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Mama had a breakdown this week! It was a hard one!
Here’s what happened this week:
My husband left for a work trip the week prior to this current week and I was a solo parent for the past seven days. He was able to come home for 4 hours on Wednesday afternoon to help rearrange some furniture, but I’m not sure that counts. ANYWAYS, I have had a hard time managing everything I need to manage alone. I feel like so many more obligations automatically fall to the Mom’s rather than the Dad’s. Maybe its all in my head and maybe I need to be more vocal about my needs, but man is it hard trying to accomplish everything on your own and feel like you’re raising decent humans. The things on my to do list that keep our apartment and family running smoothly are what I get so frustrated with. The continuous conversation I continue to have with my husband is “you are doing so much already!” to which I respond “I don’t really feel like I’m doing enough.”
The consistent internal battle I have with myself is I’m never really doing enough because my to-do list never gets shorter. (Will it ever get shorter? Does anyone know?) I know I am doing stuff throughout the day because my kids eat, we all wear clean..ish clothes and we go do things together. But if I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything, then it tends to de-rail me and make me feel like awful. So, for most of the week, I felt like a horrible person. Not because I am, but because city living is hard. Being the only parent home with three kids is hard. Running a business is hard. Not having close friends nearby is hard. And all those things piled one on top of the other is what made me crash and burn. Also, the on again off again thunder and lightening partnered with the late nights and early mornings really threw me for a loop.
So, I’ve been a little out of it this week and have hardly taken pictures or really done a ton with Instagram stories because I just had nothing exciting to share. But after a few quick texts to my best friends Amy & Amy and then the arrival of my husband back into town, I feel the foggy, doom & gloom attitude starting to lift. I did start writing back in my self love/gratitude journal as well, which has helped immensely. Also counting the days until school starts back up again has also really helped my attitude. HA!
I did also find some clarity and created some goals for my business. I have been so un-motivated (and just plain busy!) for the past 18 months, it’s been a little ridiculous. But, having reached a new normal and thinking things through logically, I’ve been slowly formulating plans for growth. So hooray for that and taking a few steps about it.
A few other things worth mentioning: Blake and Eddie got new shoes for the Fall. Blake chose his and then chose the exact same pair for his brother. They are so cute together! Brooke’s new shoes will be coming this week! She got pink converse high tops. That girl LOVES hightop shoes 🙂
Eddie has started counting!! He learned numbers 0-10 thanks to all the UNO cards we have lying around and can count 1-2-3. He also knows his colors, lots of animals, body parts and a few letters. He will repeat just about anything you say , so you have to watch yourself. At night when I was tucking him in, I mentioned “don’t worry Eddie, I’ll be right back!” and he said “white back”. Lots of little phrases I’m starting to hear!! Woot woot! Go Eddie!
On Tuesday, Brooke mentioned to me that she didn’t like having her own room anymore and wanted to go back to the triple bunk bed with the boys. So, we put their bed back together (why Gordon came home real quick on Wednesday) and now they are really loving life. They love each other so much!
We moved our king bed into Brooke’s old room and our bedroom is going to be our new dining room! We didn’t have room for a dining table before, so now that our children have consolidated themselves, we have more living space. We still need to drop off a TON to a storage unit we have yet to get, but that’s ok! Progress! I’ll snap a few pictures when we find places for all the miscellaneous junk we’ve accumulated.
Here’s whats happening this coming week:
Tomorrow we leave for Canada! We are going to visit my parents in Ottawa for a week before we meet Gordon for one last vacation before school starts 🙂
Here’s to a better week!